Okay, I don't hate modesty. Before I begin this blog that will probably be rather long and convoluted---
THE TORNADO SIRENS WENT OFF LAST NIGHT! A lady in my class who has a son-in-law on the Carrollton police force said that there were 2 confirmed tornadoes in Carrollton. When the siren went off Aaron did not wake up. I had to wake him up and tell him what was going on. Then we rounded up the dogs and went and hung out in the downstairs bathroom for awhile. We just made it downstairs before the electricity went out. The storm was really strong. Houdini gets stressed out during storms but especially he gets stressed with sirens going off so he insisted on trying to crawl up me/sit on me the whole time we were in the bathroom. I put him in my lap and he started calming down and was better by the time everything went through. When he gets stressed he pants like he has just run 2 miles at a dead sprint. The sirens went off at 3:45 a.m. so it was a short night or a long night depending on how you look at it.
Okay, back to modesty.
We went over to Tricia's house on Monday to watch the championship game for the final 4. While we were there I saw a book on her shelf called "Every Young Woman's Battle". I'd heard of that book before so I was curious to see what it said. I picked it up and started perusing and came to the chapter about modesty. It proceeded to tell all of these stories about girls who hadn't dressed modestly enough or purposely dressed to attract the opposite sex and then gotten themselves into some sticky situations (not terrible situations, just sticky). Then at the end of the chapter it gave a PAGE AND A HALF of guidelines about how to judge the clothing in your closet and find out if it was modest enough. At this point I am in a rage. That's not what modesty is about at all. So here are my thoughts on the subject if anyone cares. If you don't care, I expect you to read them anyway because it is going to take me a really long time to get it all down.
1. This approach to modesty is pharesaecil. (Not spelled even close.) Jesus lectured, and raged, and rebuked the Pharisees over and over again for adding lists of rules and regulations to what God had asked people to do. Jesus died so we didn't have to have a bunch of lists to tell us what to do anymore and it enrages me when people try to put that on other Christians again. That is over people! Sure, following a list would be simple, but following a list is not a relationship.
2.Read your biology book. All species mate because they are attracted to the opposite sex. Many species will refuse mates who are not "attractive" enough. We were created as sexual beings. Finding someone attractive or hot or whatever is not an impure thought as so many of these books like to suggest. None of the men reading this blog would be married to the person they are married to today unless they had had somewhat "impure" thoughts about her when they first saw her. (Remember, I am using the definition of impure from these books so don't get all offended.) These books perpetuate the myth that dressing like a frump will allow a "really good Christian guy" to see you for your inner beauty. I don't care if the "really good Christian guy" is a combination of a boy scout and Jesus' half brother. If you're not dressing in an attractive way he won't notice you. He's a man. We'd like to believe that we can just disconnect who we are from how we look, but that is not possible when it comes to sexual attraction. Especially for men. Personality is definitely important after the intial stage of attraction, but they aren't ever going to notice you if you are wearing your Uncle Earl's 50x25 hand me down jeans so a guy won't have impure thoughts about you, and therefore your personality really isn't a factor. I have heard numerous men say about their wives,"I saw her coming down the hall.." or " I saw her at a party.." or "I saw her across the classroom" and all these statements end with " I knew that was the girl I wanted to marry." Notice that the key phrase is "I SAW". Visual. In all these situations their exposure to what this girl was like was nil. There entire attraction and desire was based on physical appearance(although Grandpa refuses to admit this, but Uncle Paul will). This is not a bad thing. This is life. I once heard a man say,"If women knew how men thought they would dress totally differently." No we wouldn't! We know exactly how you think and we know how to look to get your attention.
2. Modesty is a personal issue. No one can make guidelines for me about what it means to be modest. I have to make my own guidelines and decided what I am going to wear for myself. I may be able to wear something and feel comfortable and not immodest at all while wearing it while someone else would be unable to walk out the door in what I have on without turning red as a beat. I know lots of girls who can wear things that I'd never consider, but they are not being immodest. They just have a different comfort level and a different idea about what's appropriate to wear. There are tons of factors affecting this--how you grew up, what your family was like, your culture. It is ridiculous and inappropriate for me or anyone else to judge another person based on what they are wearing, especially Christian women. Christian women are trying to be as much like Jesus as possible and are growing in him daily so being quick to judge them for what they are wearing is not a good thing to do. An it is absurd to judge women who aren't Christians by our standards of modesty. They aren't even living under the same code. Going off on someone who doesn't know anything about God or why you even care what she's wearing is detrimental to ever getting that person to even be interested in anything spiritual. If she's dressing really immodesty she has a lot deeper issues that need to be addressed like self worth. So if you have a problem with your thoughts when looking at these women, don't get all offended and judgmental about what they are wearing .Pray for strength and act toward them as Jesus would act. Think woman at the well and woman caught in the act of adultery.
3. Modesty is more about attitude of the heart than what is on your body. Just as Jesus told the Pharisees that it's not what you eat that makes you unclean, it's not what you put on that makes you immodest. Peter tells women not to adorn themselves with gold jewelry or braided hair but to clothe themselves with virtue. I don't think Peter ever meant to tell women not to braid their hair or wear jewelry. I think his point was that modesty is about more than what you have on. It is about your spirit. Proverbs says that a beautiful women without discression is like a gold ring in a pigs snout. Or to put it in a way I can relate to more--seeing a very attractive person and then discovering that their character stinks is like cutting into a chocolate cake to find out that only the icing is chocolate and the cake underneath is white. It is our character that give definition to how we look and what we wear. Our character can add to our attractiveness or it can heavily subtract from it. Also, even if a woman is wearing something that might err on the side of too much skin, if she is treating herself like a person and not a piece of meat to throw out there, then it is likely that the men in her company will treat her as a person too.
4.Modesty is always seen as an issue for women and is used by men as an excuse for being unable to control themselves. Many times I've heard people lecture about how you shouldn't wear such and such or you'll get raped. Whatever. Women get raped everywhere including Saudi Arabia. Rape is not the woman's fault. The fault is with the man who has a twisted view of sex and power. We have to control our thoughts and our actions every day about choices we make. Choosing to control your thoughts about the women you see is just another choice you have to make. I don't think appreciating someone's attractiveness momentarily, even if you are a married person, is a sin. God created us to appreciate beauty. I don't actively look for handsome men but if I see one I definitely appreciate it. You can call it a bad thought if you want. I call it a normal reaction. Looking at someone passing by does not lead to an affair, unless you already have a problem with your character on the inside and actively pursue that person when you are already committed to someone else. I also hate watching girls get rebuked for what they are wearing, a lot of times innocently. What they had on just didn't meet some self-righteous jerks standards and they end up in tears confused about what just happened. I have seen it! On the other hand, guys who are immodest rarely if ever get a talking to. There was a man in Ft. Collins who would come to church in his biking shorts. To put it bluntly, you could see more about his package than you ever wanted to know. No one ever took him aside and let him know that biking shorts were just not appropriate unless your riding a bike. He was extended grace and allowed to fellowship anyway.
5. Modesty is situational. Different times call for different measures. A bathing suit is not modest or appropriate for Sunday morning service, but it is appropriate for swimming at the beach or pool. A dress is not a modest or appropriate garment to go swimming in, but it is fine for church. Going naked in public is not modest or appropriate. Running out of your burning house naked because you were in the shower when the fire started--appropriate and modesty really isn't even a consideration at this point.
Well, thank you for reading my tirade about modesty. It has been wanting to burst out for a while.
I am so excited about a new episode of the Office tonight! Were celebrating with baby pizzas and DP's.
THE TORNADO SIRENS WENT OFF LAST NIGHT! A lady in my class who has a son-in-law on the Carrollton police force said that there were 2 confirmed tornadoes in Carrollton. When the siren went off Aaron did not wake up. I had to wake him up and tell him what was going on. Then we rounded up the dogs and went and hung out in the downstairs bathroom for awhile. We just made it downstairs before the electricity went out. The storm was really strong. Houdini gets stressed out during storms but especially he gets stressed with sirens going off so he insisted on trying to crawl up me/sit on me the whole time we were in the bathroom. I put him in my lap and he started calming down and was better by the time everything went through. When he gets stressed he pants like he has just run 2 miles at a dead sprint. The sirens went off at 3:45 a.m. so it was a short night or a long night depending on how you look at it.
Okay, back to modesty.
We went over to Tricia's house on Monday to watch the championship game for the final 4. While we were there I saw a book on her shelf called "Every Young Woman's Battle". I'd heard of that book before so I was curious to see what it said. I picked it up and started perusing and came to the chapter about modesty. It proceeded to tell all of these stories about girls who hadn't dressed modestly enough or purposely dressed to attract the opposite sex and then gotten themselves into some sticky situations (not terrible situations, just sticky). Then at the end of the chapter it gave a PAGE AND A HALF of guidelines about how to judge the clothing in your closet and find out if it was modest enough. At this point I am in a rage. That's not what modesty is about at all. So here are my thoughts on the subject if anyone cares. If you don't care, I expect you to read them anyway because it is going to take me a really long time to get it all down.
1. This approach to modesty is pharesaecil. (Not spelled even close.) Jesus lectured, and raged, and rebuked the Pharisees over and over again for adding lists of rules and regulations to what God had asked people to do. Jesus died so we didn't have to have a bunch of lists to tell us what to do anymore and it enrages me when people try to put that on other Christians again. That is over people! Sure, following a list would be simple, but following a list is not a relationship.
2.Read your biology book. All species mate because they are attracted to the opposite sex. Many species will refuse mates who are not "attractive" enough. We were created as sexual beings. Finding someone attractive or hot or whatever is not an impure thought as so many of these books like to suggest. None of the men reading this blog would be married to the person they are married to today unless they had had somewhat "impure" thoughts about her when they first saw her. (Remember, I am using the definition of impure from these books so don't get all offended.) These books perpetuate the myth that dressing like a frump will allow a "really good Christian guy" to see you for your inner beauty. I don't care if the "really good Christian guy" is a combination of a boy scout and Jesus' half brother. If you're not dressing in an attractive way he won't notice you. He's a man. We'd like to believe that we can just disconnect who we are from how we look, but that is not possible when it comes to sexual attraction. Especially for men. Personality is definitely important after the intial stage of attraction, but they aren't ever going to notice you if you are wearing your Uncle Earl's 50x25 hand me down jeans so a guy won't have impure thoughts about you, and therefore your personality really isn't a factor. I have heard numerous men say about their wives,"I saw her coming down the hall.." or " I saw her at a party.." or "I saw her across the classroom" and all these statements end with " I knew that was the girl I wanted to marry." Notice that the key phrase is "I SAW". Visual. In all these situations their exposure to what this girl was like was nil. There entire attraction and desire was based on physical appearance(although Grandpa refuses to admit this, but Uncle Paul will). This is not a bad thing. This is life. I once heard a man say,"If women knew how men thought they would dress totally differently." No we wouldn't! We know exactly how you think and we know how to look to get your attention.
2. Modesty is a personal issue. No one can make guidelines for me about what it means to be modest. I have to make my own guidelines and decided what I am going to wear for myself. I may be able to wear something and feel comfortable and not immodest at all while wearing it while someone else would be unable to walk out the door in what I have on without turning red as a beat. I know lots of girls who can wear things that I'd never consider, but they are not being immodest. They just have a different comfort level and a different idea about what's appropriate to wear. There are tons of factors affecting this--how you grew up, what your family was like, your culture. It is ridiculous and inappropriate for me or anyone else to judge another person based on what they are wearing, especially Christian women. Christian women are trying to be as much like Jesus as possible and are growing in him daily so being quick to judge them for what they are wearing is not a good thing to do. An it is absurd to judge women who aren't Christians by our standards of modesty. They aren't even living under the same code. Going off on someone who doesn't know anything about God or why you even care what she's wearing is detrimental to ever getting that person to even be interested in anything spiritual. If she's dressing really immodesty she has a lot deeper issues that need to be addressed like self worth. So if you have a problem with your thoughts when looking at these women, don't get all offended and judgmental about what they are wearing .Pray for strength and act toward them as Jesus would act. Think woman at the well and woman caught in the act of adultery.
3. Modesty is more about attitude of the heart than what is on your body. Just as Jesus told the Pharisees that it's not what you eat that makes you unclean, it's not what you put on that makes you immodest. Peter tells women not to adorn themselves with gold jewelry or braided hair but to clothe themselves with virtue. I don't think Peter ever meant to tell women not to braid their hair or wear jewelry. I think his point was that modesty is about more than what you have on. It is about your spirit. Proverbs says that a beautiful women without discression is like a gold ring in a pigs snout. Or to put it in a way I can relate to more--seeing a very attractive person and then discovering that their character stinks is like cutting into a chocolate cake to find out that only the icing is chocolate and the cake underneath is white. It is our character that give definition to how we look and what we wear. Our character can add to our attractiveness or it can heavily subtract from it. Also, even if a woman is wearing something that might err on the side of too much skin, if she is treating herself like a person and not a piece of meat to throw out there, then it is likely that the men in her company will treat her as a person too.
4.Modesty is always seen as an issue for women and is used by men as an excuse for being unable to control themselves. Many times I've heard people lecture about how you shouldn't wear such and such or you'll get raped. Whatever. Women get raped everywhere including Saudi Arabia. Rape is not the woman's fault. The fault is with the man who has a twisted view of sex and power. We have to control our thoughts and our actions every day about choices we make. Choosing to control your thoughts about the women you see is just another choice you have to make. I don't think appreciating someone's attractiveness momentarily, even if you are a married person, is a sin. God created us to appreciate beauty. I don't actively look for handsome men but if I see one I definitely appreciate it. You can call it a bad thought if you want. I call it a normal reaction. Looking at someone passing by does not lead to an affair, unless you already have a problem with your character on the inside and actively pursue that person when you are already committed to someone else. I also hate watching girls get rebuked for what they are wearing, a lot of times innocently. What they had on just didn't meet some self-righteous jerks standards and they end up in tears confused about what just happened. I have seen it! On the other hand, guys who are immodest rarely if ever get a talking to. There was a man in Ft. Collins who would come to church in his biking shorts. To put it bluntly, you could see more about his package than you ever wanted to know. No one ever took him aside and let him know that biking shorts were just not appropriate unless your riding a bike. He was extended grace and allowed to fellowship anyway.
5. Modesty is situational. Different times call for different measures. A bathing suit is not modest or appropriate for Sunday morning service, but it is appropriate for swimming at the beach or pool. A dress is not a modest or appropriate garment to go swimming in, but it is fine for church. Going naked in public is not modest or appropriate. Running out of your burning house naked because you were in the shower when the fire started--appropriate and modesty really isn't even a consideration at this point.
Well, thank you for reading my tirade about modesty. It has been wanting to burst out for a while.
I am so excited about a new episode of the Office tonight! Were celebrating with baby pizzas and DP's.
Comments
brittany joyner
ps- hate having to login and do word verification to comment. pain.
Attractiveness matters in romantic relationships, but dressing attractively and dressing provocatively are two different things.
And I do think young girls (14, 16, even 18) don't always realize how guys think. They really aren't aware of what is going through men's minds. I have a friend who told me she knew that she had a nice rear when she was twelve. I couldn't believe it, because I didn't start picking up on that sort of signal until I was 18 or so.