I'm sure that everyone has a day that marks the point when "nothing would ever be the same again". For me that is today, November 18th, and it's always a day of mixed feeling for me. Our family has been so blessed by Maddy, yet on this day there is always a little bit of sadness swirled in with the joy. November 18th is the day that we found out that our life with our baby was not going to be "normal". However, I don't think that I'm reminded of this day every year so I can feel sorrowful and regretful that things didn't turn out how I planned. I think that God has given me this day so that I can look back on it as a marker of his direct and incredible action in our lives.
Having a special needs child is difficult to deal with--that is a fact that can't be glossed over--but it is also an incredible blessing. Through Maddy, God has revealed so much to me and Aaron about what is important in life, about trusting him, and about really truly living as if nothing is impossible with God. Are we perfect at remembering this every second of every day? No. Yet these truths are apparent to me in a way I'm convinced they would have never been if it were not for the precious gift of Maddy in our lives.
Its easy to focus on the negative things. This usually happens when I start thinking it's up to me to make everything turn out right. Thoughts of "If I can only find the energy to do everything everyday, just right, it will all work out" lead to the feelings of depression and inadequacy as expressed in a recent post. Then I see parents and children at some of Maddy's appointments that have so much more to deal with they make my life look like a Disney movie. Looking at them I can only be thankful and grateful for the grace of God and it reminds me that God is the one who has allowed every improvement of Maddy's condition, every accomplishment that we've made, and gotten us through every struggle we've faced. My job is not to try to do it all but to simply depend on God for the strength that I need that will allow me to accomplish what he wants accomplished each day. Each disappointment and doubt can only be answered with thankfulness by what God has given me in place of disappointment and as an answer to each doubt:
Sometimes I get tired of going to doctors appointments .... God has provided expert doctors who are all checking up on Maddy to make sure she has the best possible care
Sometimes I get tired of going to therapy .... God has given Maddy amazing therapists and that she enjoys playing with each week
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with all that I have to do ... God gives me health and strength and people who step up and volunteer to watch Maddy while I write a paper, go to class, or just have a night out with Aaron
Sometimes I feel like no one understands what I'm going through ... God has given me a wonderful husband to walk by my side on this journey
Sometimes I feel alone ... God has given me a wonderful family, church family, and friends who care for me and pray for me each day
Sometimes I wish things were different ... God has given me what is best for my life
On this day each year I remember that I'm not some tragic figure living in a hopeless struggle against fate. I'm not some super hero overcoming incredible odds. I'm just a regular human being, in a fallen world, living a story of hope.
Having a special needs child is difficult to deal with--that is a fact that can't be glossed over--but it is also an incredible blessing. Through Maddy, God has revealed so much to me and Aaron about what is important in life, about trusting him, and about really truly living as if nothing is impossible with God. Are we perfect at remembering this every second of every day? No. Yet these truths are apparent to me in a way I'm convinced they would have never been if it were not for the precious gift of Maddy in our lives.
Its easy to focus on the negative things. This usually happens when I start thinking it's up to me to make everything turn out right. Thoughts of "If I can only find the energy to do everything everyday, just right, it will all work out" lead to the feelings of depression and inadequacy as expressed in a recent post. Then I see parents and children at some of Maddy's appointments that have so much more to deal with they make my life look like a Disney movie. Looking at them I can only be thankful and grateful for the grace of God and it reminds me that God is the one who has allowed every improvement of Maddy's condition, every accomplishment that we've made, and gotten us through every struggle we've faced. My job is not to try to do it all but to simply depend on God for the strength that I need that will allow me to accomplish what he wants accomplished each day. Each disappointment and doubt can only be answered with thankfulness by what God has given me in place of disappointment and as an answer to each doubt:
Sometimes I get tired of going to doctors appointments .... God has provided expert doctors who are all checking up on Maddy to make sure she has the best possible care
Sometimes I get tired of going to therapy .... God has given Maddy amazing therapists and that she enjoys playing with each week
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with all that I have to do ... God gives me health and strength and people who step up and volunteer to watch Maddy while I write a paper, go to class, or just have a night out with Aaron
Sometimes I feel like no one understands what I'm going through ... God has given me a wonderful husband to walk by my side on this journey
Sometimes I feel alone ... God has given me a wonderful family, church family, and friends who care for me and pray for me each day
Sometimes I wish things were different ... God has given me what is best for my life
On this day each year I remember that I'm not some tragic figure living in a hopeless struggle against fate. I'm not some super hero overcoming incredible odds. I'm just a regular human being, in a fallen world, living a story of hope.
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